FURTHER THOUGHTS ON "WAR WORDS" AND ON "NO" AS A "COMPLETE ANSWER"?

"Hey, hey, hey - what ya got to say?"

For a fun take on speaking one's "peace" (pun intended!), above are the Initial lyrics and video of "Hollywood Swinging" sung by Kool (a "bad piano-playin man") and the Gang

at the popular "Soul Train" TV Show in 1974

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My former blog dealt with the increasing general use of war words, some sources and examples, and the detriment to individuals and the community, as well as to music and all of the arts. This blog further explores that topic, one which is so critical to understand and identify in operation in order to help direct us in efforts to restore our national sense of well-being and calm, and peaceably and with common decency pursue our shared love of the joys of music.

"NO" IS NOT ENOUGH

A therapist once told me that "no" was a single word and a complete answer, and thus suggested that I did not always have to use that proverbial spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down. Even Eckhard Tolle in A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" says that "if necessary, you can also say no to someone firmly and clearly, and it will be what I call a 'high-quality no' that is free of all negativity."

Aside from the old saying "eaiser said than done," what does "no" mean in a world that is increasingly argumentative and angry? If "no" leads to defensiveness, more aggression, and less compromise, isn't "no" a "war word" that can rarely be useful?

However, too much sugar can be dangerous for women. Many of us senior women, at least white, actually- or aspirationally-middle class women, were raised to be "good little girls." Accordingly, too often we use the "maybe" word, or "would you mind to XYZ?" instead of verbalize a more direct route to our goals.

Of course "please" and "thank you" are always in good form!

Women who default to "maybes" can make it all too easy for men to overlook and not hear us. Sitting back in the face of distasteful aggression doesn't always serve us well, and anyone's aggression does not ultimately serve themselves well. That's because the aggressor might miss facts and options women offer to meet the other's goals.

Sometimes women have to shout to be heard - and women know the frequent consequences of that.

It takes a fine balance to be, survive, and contribute as a woman.

In law school in the early 70s I was active in the Hastings College of Law Women's Student Union. We were quite outspoken to promote enrolling more women students (we constituted only 12% in those days) and promote hiring more women law professors (women were about 1% of those). A favorable local SF Chronicle news article about our activities, and pictures of a few of us Union members, was posted on our student bulletin board. One day in passing I noticed that someone had written a "c" over my face. That's the easiest transgressive act that cowardly men can dole out, and ultimately the least dangerous to our lives, even if words can damage our spirits.

DO YOU VALUE COMMON DECENCY?

Deborah Tannen, Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University, in her 1998 book "The Argument Society," says that morals and manners (i.e. the "sugar" in society and the grease of social interaction) as a practical matter can result of achieving one's goals more quickly than by using war words. But there is an importance far wider than just for one individual and that is the way uncoomon and vile words can shape society nd the future for those who come after us.

The key place we see war words used today is in politics. I'm not alone to be extremely stressed over the language used in politics and in the media, principally emanating without one doubt, from the radical Republican fringe and much less, but sometimes, from the Deocrats as well.

I was completely shaken and appalled by reading an AP report on August 29 that JD Vance, the Vice Presidential Republican candidate, when referring to Vice President Harris comments on the inappropriateness against public and cemetery law and policy of Trump's visit to a verterans' cemetery said: "Harris can go to hell!"

Not only that but the news reported that on Trump's social media site, Trump shared another user’s post with an image of 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton and Harris, amplifying a vulgar joke about a sex act."

In my adult long life, I have never heard such vile words affirmatively stated or the delights of sex used to try to smear an opposition political candidate implied, especially coming from a so-called "Christian" such as Vance. Have you? More to the point, can any of us just sit aside calmly ignoring the descension of public discourse into such perversion?

War words seem particularly harmful when it comes to the arts. Tannen says she found one critic who wrote "...this collection reminds us that the purpose of art is not to confirm and coddle but to provoke and confront."

No it is not.

The highest purpose of art is to uplift the human spirit. Usually that requires helping us listeners feel solace in our grief, empathy for the suffering of others, often joy, and always inspiration to move forward in life.

But achieving and keeping the peace today is a lot more complex an issue than Tannen posits, who believed in 1998 that "All human relations require us to find ways to get what we want from others without seeming to dominate them."

In 1998 she had never met Trump.

He and his followers came 26 years later. But consider Ghengis Khan who came well before her book - and I rest my case.

Both guys are/were all about getting what they want by dominating others (Khan by literally killing, the other guy by trying to humiliate and intimidate). In cases such as the latter one, I respond in the way Mae West responded: "I'm always verrrrrry careful from whom I accept insults!" (Treat yourself to this video reminder of the very best feminist "mouth" in the world!)

(I cannot find the proper credit to the artist who created this poster, but chapeau to Keith Edwards who either drew it or found it.)

THE UNFORTUNATE RESULTS OF WAR WORDS IN MUSIC

War words are inappropriate in the arts - arts production, performance or display, reporting, and analysis - first because they waste the talents of those who don't like rude and aggressive, inflammatory words and behavior, and who then opt to go elsewhere to find like-minded folk with which to affiliate and contribute.

What is lost to an orchestra with a martinet, screaming conductor who berates and humiliates members, when a sensitive soul elects to go play with another orchestra? (Sadly I just read in the Sunday Times about a famed former conductor of a major Boston orchestra who did just that.) How does the music they conduct come across, if conducted with aggression and anger?

As Tannen says, "it is not the aggression itself that has a corrosive effect on the human spirit but the unprincipled nature of the venom. It robs the aggression of its moral underpinnings; it's the difference between passionate engagement and random malice."

What conductor who truly loves music wants to be associated with malice?

How about entirely desisting from using the controversial word "criticism" and let it drop out of our vocabulary in favor of "response" or "analysis" or "discussion" of how the piece or musician has served, or perhaps could better serve, the world of music?

The crazy thing is that war words can drive away others who might offer a solution that benefits the narcissistic, pugilistic individual. Upon that realization, why wouldn't Trump want to expand the breadth of his associates and advisers? Could it be because he can't see beyond his nose?

Further, war words depress the availability of the arts to the public.

Consider Tannen's example of the public being denied access to fine art as a result of war words and incomplete media coverage focused on conflict. In 1995 the Library of Congress director, James Billington, was "frustrated that few people knew about a major exhibition the library mounted titled "Creating French Culture: Treasures from the Biblioteque Naionale de France". But everyone knew about a (controversial) exhibit on Freud that he had postponed because of lack of funds. However he never got the message out because news reporters choose to focus on protesters' beliefs that the library had cravenly caved in to political pressure from other protesting critics of Freud. (The exhibit finally opened in fall 1998.)

Consider too, the amount of courage it takes to persist and to create. Tannen cites a 1996 cartoon of a boy saying "When I grow up, I hope to spoil someone's bid for the Presidency." Twenty-six years later in a July 29 New York Times' article on her success, Simon Biles (the GOAT in gymnastics) commented on her social media feedback that she turns off during competitions. It is typically full congrats, but also trashing and flaming, of course. She said: "They even want you to fail!" Not funny. Tragic.

WORDS BEYOND "NO"

Peace words can calm escalation, escalation which easily leads to more warlike words and frenzied behavior against which I have argued in my former blog. Peace words can preserve our lives and spirits to speak up on another day.

SINCE "EVERYONE" IS DOING IT (USING WAR WORDS) DESPITE THE WASTE TO SOCIETY AND INDIVIDUALS, WHO CAN FIX IT IN THE MUSIC WORLD?

Everyone!

Every single individual can best direct their personal communications and responsive or initiating behavior toward becoming an individual role model for positivity and creativity. Then single becomes double becomes the world -- if we affiliate with like others and keep moving forward.

Conductors and Music Directors can choose programs that feature excluded groups. How about choosing to perform one of the many classic and modern compositions that are so often ignored because they are composed by women and people of color? Check out opera diva Gabriela Di Laccio's website Donne and the availability of program ideas in this vein.

How about choosing compositions that weren't made to challenge or defeat musicians, but be playable, with uplifting harmonies. How about avoiding composers who create pieces that are difficult for the sake of being difficult, or "different" for the sake of being different (listen to "Nautilus" by Anne Meredith if you want your nerves jangled).

How about avoiding the "old saws" that feature antiquated roles and fates for women-as- victims, for example often seen in classic Italian operas where women are represented as "Madonna or whore," or fixated on "getting her man," or end up maimed or killed, or commit suicide, or more lately are presented as reprehensible perverts.

Consider the disappointing movie "Tar," the first big budget Hollywood music-themed feature film about a famous female conductor, with the role acted by a superb actress. That role? The "loser" role of a sexual predator. It reminded me of the similar treatment of a formerly missing person in major roles in a big budget film. Consider "Silence of the Lambs." There the prime role of villain (aside from H. Lector) was none other than - transgendered!

Both films were major hits, major money makers - and disgraceful in the specified representations, one novel (female as predator) and one stereotypical (transgender as frighteningly weird).

Music Directors and Presidents of Boards can hire women and people of color so that we finally in this century begin to see more than just one woman hired in a vacant Music Directorship -- among the top 25 symphony orchestras in 2025! How about in San Francisco because we still seem to have a vacancy.

Music Patrons can refuse to attend concerts that jangle nerves or patronize musical venues that always feature pieces by male composers, then let the Music Director and Board President know why. They can write letters to urge the hiring of a woman or person of color to fill a vacant Conductor's position. They can speak up in protest if patron programs use war word titles for pre-concert presentations on composer, compositions, or performers.

Those who speak and write about music can refuse temptations or actual invitations to "state the other side of the debate," and ask that the program title be framed as a "discussion" or "presentation." Then don't advance a black-and-white position, do feature a nuanced approach, and refrain from positing themselves as absolutely "right."

Program producers can do what most Japanese media programs do: invite one - or three - guests to comment, avoiding the temptation of inviting only "each of two sides" and turning the presentation into a fight between dualities.

One could respond to a news reporter or audience heckler as President Clinton did after the heart-warming, emotional story told at a press conference by Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Tannen says the story was about Ginsberg's life and deep love and appreciation for her parents and those who helped her up, a speech made to celebrate her appointment to the Supreme Court. After Ginsburg finished, a reporter tasked Clinton a question including reference to the fact that Ginsberg was not Clinton's first choice, and thus killed the beauty of the moment. The reporter negatively impacted the audience's palpable empathy and unity with Ginsberg, empathy that is so critical to ensure confident performance in any task or job.

Clinton responded: "How you could ask a question like that after the statement she just made is beyond me!" - and he closed the event.

I would have responded: "How is it proper for you to fail to express empathy and support for this remarkable woman, and encourage us all to support her in her critical role ahead?" Certainly that would be a polite and pointed question well deserved by the clueless reporter who sought drama and attention in her display of inapt "toughness."

Students can persistently and calmly pepper their teachers with requests for scores by women and people of color that they can learn. Or, students can be proactive and consult a handful of excellent collections at various levels of technical difficulty, written by women and minorities. Students can refuse to only play pieces composed by men.

About half a year ago and in great excitement at my discovery, I called my amateur pianist friend Joe, then in his 11th year of piano lessons. I recommended he learn a gorgeous Nocturne in Bb Major by Russian composer Maria Syzmanowka (you go Bella O.!) He loved it too, and soon enough learned it to a "T" as evidenced in the recording below. (Sadly "Rocket" the music kitty sitting under "Sir B", disappeared from the SoundCloud picture!)

In this fashion a student can become the teacher to any uninformed person who has been busy with the traditional male-composed classics. With one such well-experienced 60-ish teacher of mine, I had to find and bring three pieces by women to learn, pieces I thought were within my ability and whose melodies I adored, because my teacher never had any idea of what to recommend! None, although I asked.

Whether music consumer, student, teacher, curator, writer, composer, performer, or conductor: each one of us can make a positive difference!

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MORE LOVE (from Vol. II "Poetical Musings")

No man of war can love music,

no enslaved woman, too,

though names be writ upon a score

pretending that they do.

No man of hate who loves the game

and the patriarchal paradigm,

can make music though he claims it true

when he just wastes our time,

as does the woman who lost her mind

and puts asunder the truth she knows,

falling silent in impure desire

for perceived riches vile men bestow.

No warring men can justify

hateful acts that know no bounds,

reenacting what their fathers did

in the old one-up/one-down.

No decent man believes in his heart

that some do not belong

to the human race, no less the case

for women who know that’s wrong.

Though warring demons of vilest nature

can cause us mortal wounds,

they also leave music in disarray

and kill the pure pleasure of love.

For to love music requires that we love,

even making mistakes we regret,

and then we remember what we know,

that love more love begets.

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*Inspired by the request of B.N. to write a poem about the reasons that violence continues against powerlesspeople via war and in personal relationships.

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